My pregnancy with Jackson

 In July of 2012 we became pregnant with our 3rd baby. Keith and I thought were done with having kids. We were happy and content with two children. Life was easy. Life was good. We were getting lots of sleep and both boys were in good routines. However, Jesus had other plans. He continually prodded at me about having another baby. He would say over and over again through out the winter and spring of 2012 "you're not done yet." I even had a dream where we were driving in a car and I was in the back seat with a baby (boy) around the age of 1 year- and I remember knowing that he wasn't Miles or Maxwell, but that he was mine! And to note, I thought he was a boy in the dream. But there wasn't anything distinct in the babies features or clothes for me to think that he was definitely a boy, it was just an impression when I woke up. Needless to say... when Jesus asks you to do something you have a choice to make! You can either knowingly disobey him, or do what he is asking and risk. So there we were, July 2012, pregnant again and praying! 

By the time I was pregnant with Jackson I was excited about having another baby. Jesus really changed my heart. I mean... I LOVE babies. Especially my OWN babies. But it was an adjustment when you think you are done with that stage to know that you will once again, have several months where you will  be lacking sleep and figuring out a whole new person who will forever be a part of your life. 

My pregnancy was a hard one. My morning sickness wasn't as intense as it was with the other boys. But it lasted a lot longer. I was close to 30 weeks before the nauseousness subsided. I found out around 10 weeks pregnant that I had pregnancy induced hyperthyroidism which meant going on medication to manage it. 

And the hardest part. At our 20 week anatomy scan we found out that there was a potential that Jackson was very sick. This overshadowed the fact that we were having another boy. The gender no longer mattered... his health was at risk and we were worried. 

At his initial scan at my doctors office they noticed a white spot near (but not in) his heart. My doctor said she had never seen something just "floating" around inside someones  body before and sent us to the high risk maternity center for more testing. The following morning we saw the high risk doctor and had a higher resolution ultrasound. The doctor came in after the technician had taken the pictures and said "There is good news and there is bad news." They found 3 calcification's in his liver. Seeing these types of spots is more common than we hear about. Often times they are missed on the standard ultrasound, and many children are born with calcified spots that are never an issue. The bad news was that there was a chance that the calcification's pointed towards Jack having a very serious infection. The only way for him to get an infection, was through me. So they drew a bunch of blood to test and see what I had been exposed to since becoming pregnant. If I was carrying something they would do an amnio to see if the amniotic fluid was affected, and if so, then we would talk about treatment options for Jackson. He had the potential of being 100% fine, and also had the potential of having serious brain or heart issues. How do you process that? Where can you turn for peace in the midst of such uncertainty? 

The following days were excruciatingly hard. Our faith was tested. When I look back on that I remember doing 4 things. 

Crying. I cried for 2 days straight.

I worshipped Jesus. I played worship music loud, I played it soft. I played it over and over... trying to get truth into me by every means possible. 

I read my bible. I read about Jesus taking care of his people, I read about children being a blessing from the Lord. I read about how he will never leave us or forsake us. I read about how he doesn't promise that we won't have trouble in this world, but that he will stand with us and sustain us when trouble comes. 

I prayed. I prayed all the time. My desperation to feel Jesus close had never been so acute and intense. I needed him to get through this, and I knew there was no other way to manage this uncertainty with out his hand. 

Two days after finding out about the calcium deposits something shifted and changed dramatically in  both Keith and I. The prayers of those who knew about Jackson were felt and Jesus lifted something in Keith and I that night. We both spoke out loud about our fears for Jackson. We talked about the what ifs. And we spoke truth to each other. That night I slept in peace. Peace that can only come from Jesus. I still struggled with fear, but I was able to give it over to Jesus quickly. 

The following week my blood tests came back and it was CLEAR! Thank you Jesus! 

We had a follow up ultrasound at 29 weeks pregnant to make sure the deposits hadn't grown or moved and to make sure his heart, brain and liver were all functioning properly. Again, everything looked great! 

After Jackson was born we had another follow up ultrasound on him to make sure everything was functioning properly and once again, everything looked great! We were praying that the deposits would be gone completely, however they were still there. The good news is that they aren't posing a threat to him at all! 

The doctor at Seattle Children's Hospital said that it looks like Jack did have some sort of infection that "resolved itself." 

I can't help but think that Jesus resolved it.

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? " Luke 12:25