I dropped Miles off at school and decided to drive around Renton for a couple minutes before dropping Maxwell off at a friends house for a play date.
My mind was wondering off, thinking about this NEW baby growing inside of me. I had a doctor appointment scheduled for later that morning, and I was excited to see our baby for the first time!
Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by police cars, 3 in total racing past me, sirens on, zig zagging in and out of traffic to get to wherever the emergency was. In an instant, my mind shifted from excitement for the new baby, to fear that something was happening at Miles' school. Was there a shooting, like at Sandy Hook? How would I deal with a tragedy like that happening to my sweet innocent little boy?
I am sure I am not the only one who shifts to fearful thoughts when they hear sirens going in the direction of where their loved ones are. When I hear of a crash on 405 South, and it's rush hour... I pray that it's not Keith as he was driving home from work. It's a natural thought process. However... just because it's "natural" doesn't make it right. We were born into sin. We were sinful IN OUR MOTHERS WOMB. (Psalm 58:3) We have to fight against the enemy and his lies every single day. The times that I let my mind wonder into fearful thoughts, I am sinning against my God. I am saying to Him "I don't trust you." It's true, there is MUCH EVIL around us. It's true that this evil will affect me, whether up close and personal, or from a distance. But that reality cannot sway me from the truth of the bible. That God is faithful, trustworthy, and will turn anything that the enemy intends to harm me, into good.
So what can I do with these thoughts as they pop up into my mind? Do I let them wonder around, causing panic and fear to creep up into my heart? Do I ponder on the what if's? I confess, that there are times that I do. There are times where my thoughts take ME captive, instead of me taking my thoughts captive.
Because I have Jesus on my side, giving me strength, I have the power to say to my thoughts "stop!" I have the power to say to my thoughts "this is not right!" I have the power to rehearse truth from the bible and combat the lies of the enemy. One of my favorite verses in the bible is 2 Timothy 1:7. It says "For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control."
Knowing this, empowers me to fight through it! The intense urge that I had yesterday to make a B line for Miles school was me acting out of fear. It was me taking the matter into my own hands. It was me saying to Jesus "I got this one. You can take a back seat in this situation."
I am in process. Everyone is in process. I don't always get it right. I often times have lingered on my thoughts longer then I ought to. Yesterday, I fought the intense urge to go directly to Miles school at that very moment. But... I DID end up driving past the school a little later just to make sure that all was okay. Even though my thoughts had calmed down. Even though I felt at peace that everything was fine & Miles was safe. I told Jesus over and over "I trust you. I have to trust you. Miles isn't in my care all day long like he used to be, and therefor I MUST give him over to YOU to watch over him." Even though I said the truth to myself, and my heart even felt better after taking my thoughts captive, there was still a little part of me that needed to just DOUBLE CHECK to make sure Jesus had this one handled.
I know that there are people, moms especially, who can relate to this. Being fearful for your children is as natural and intense as your need to breath. But even with our breath, we trust Jesus. It is Jesus that causes our bodies to act right, to sustain us and keep us alive.
My prayer is that Jesus would help me to trust him more deeply. I am thankful that I see progress. I am thankful that he is teaching me to take my thoughts captive and to speak truth to myself. And, I am thankful that I see where I need work. Knowing your need for Jesus is always always always good. Knowing that I depend on Him, even for each breath that I take is humbling.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8
